Heed my warning friends, for I speak of wretched evil in this here blog…
Let’s give you a brief history of the happenings here, in September, I started talking to a girl who contacted me through facebook, we seemed to get on fairly well, and pictures swapped etc… the question was then raised of “should we meet?” myself, thought may as well nothing to lose is there. So, we ended up meeting, when I first saw her in person, I didn’t really know what to think, so I just played it cool to see what would happen, and how I felt when I left. It was a bit surreal as she had both her sister and friend with her too.
I had known prior to this that she had “baggage” as my friends put it, of a 2-year-old daughter, this was something that I thought I’d never do be interested in someone with a child, because at my age, of 24, there are quite a few single mums, but there are also quite a few singletons without kids, but I thought I’ll give it a go and see how it goes. I was skeptical, and I wasn’t sure, it didn’t bother me, I just wasn’t sure how it’d work out etc. Anyway, we met, seemed to get on quite well had a good laugh, bit of a cuddle session and stuff and I thought when it came time to leave “aah it wasn’t so bad, maybe it will work“ I think that was the point of no return if I’m honest with you. I think I was trying to convince myself that it’d work, and that things would be all peachy.
Anyway, we met up several other times, and then she said “shall we make it official?” to which I replied “Err, what do you mean?” “You know, put it on Facebook!” to which my initial thought was “hmm, someone who thinks facebook is an official document… bit odd, but oh well, if she’s happy I am.“
So hence forth it is placed upon Facebook,
and the lords of Facebook did say;
“It is official now it is placed upon thy pages”
So it be said, and so it be done.
Thats when I started to get my first doubts after a week or so, she started saying things like “So when you finish uni, you can move up here and get a job at the local hospital.” To which I said “Thats a fair distance from my family and friends, if we get to that stage, maybe it could be about half way between the two?” “NO!” she said in an outburst “I’m not moving away from my family, they mean too much to me!” obviously you can imagine what my response was “So I don’t care about my family because I’m willing to be independent and flexible? I have friends and family where I live too.” She was still adamant she wouldn’t budge, so with that I thought “Aah screw it, if it gets that far then can worry about it then“.
During these weeks, I’d somehow manage to upset her somehow, be it that I was going to band practice, or around a mates, or even talking about mates from uni. Being a student nurse, its understandable that I’d have a fair amount of female around me at any given time, but as I tell anyone who asks, yes, there are some very attractive girls at uni, but no, I wouldn’t try anything because they’re too good of friends to me to risk ruining that bond we all share.
There would be little things she’d make a big deal about, such as when I sent a text saying “I’m going on stage now for our gig, speak soon” obviously I can’t stop mid song to answer a text, by the end of our hour set, I had 6 text messages all of them angry apart from the first 1, “Screw you then, don’t answer me, you obviously don’t care” and all that bull-shite.
Me, being a lover not a fighter, always seemed to be patching things up, making things better, whilst she just seemed to be fighting everything.
Then came the dreaded week when she said about getting married, my initial thought was “WHAT THE FUCK!“. It had been only a month, and she was asking about marriage, that scared me a lot, and started to push me away, and get me worried, yes I’m after a decent relationship, but hell, after a month? and talking of marriage? jeeeeez. I had to think hard, because I didn’t want to have to deal with her starting another argument. I think my response ended up being “Mmm, that could be cool as a future possibility.”
A week after that, she came down to visit me, after having to pick them both up and drive all the way back because she didn’t want to get the train. I took her to a local park, with the little tot, and the tot threw a huge tantrum, which is fine, because thats what kids do, but I looked around and saw other couples walking with their dog, or just together, and then the thought hit me which hadn’t occurred to me in the past “Did I really want to help raise someone elses child?” I know it sounds really harsh, but topped onto all the other things she said about not being flexible moving, and weddings, and the near enough daily arguments of nothingness, was this really what I wanted? and was “I” truly happy, I felt I had to be selfish, and do what I wanted to do, not try to make other people happy all the time, a relationship is for two people to enjoy, not for one person to get their way and the other to be unhappy… that shit went out in the middle ages.
It was at that moment I decided, I couldn’t do this anymore, and that I’d break up with her once she got home… that didn’t go to plan…
We were back at my house, in my room, the tot was watching dorra. She (the ex) was being sad about going home (which she had been doing from the moment I picked her up from her house) and said “Why don’t you ever feel sad about when I go home, you don’t show any emotion. To which, I replied, as I had done on numerous times before “I focus on the now, on the positives, if both of us are sad, then it’d be really depressing wouldn’t it?” I had said that on previous meetings too, when I did want to be with her also, so I wasnt being an arse… at least I don’t think so. Following leaving her once I even ordered flowers to be delivered to her, to show that I did care. Anyway, back on track, she then asked “Do you not love me?” to which I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t want to lie and say “Of course!” but in hindsight it would’ve been the less painfull option. Instead, stupidly, and very much like me, I spoke what I thought and simply said
“I don’t know anymore.”
I felt bad saying it, and I would have felt bad lieing to her, I did what I thought was best. She went fucking mental. What followed was about 4hours of abuse, and my trying to make things easier, and calming it down, I won’t go into the details here because to be honest, it all seems a right blur. We went to bed (I slept on the sofa), and woke in the morning, for what I feared the most… taking her home… captive audience, and if the last night was anything to go by, this was going to be a mammoth ear-ache session.
I was the subject of a 3 hour journey in pouring rain with abuse being hurled at me, “You never gave a fuck ever…” “I hope they find something bad when you go to the doctors about your head…” “I hope you die…” “I fucking hate you…” “You’re such a faker…” “You tricked me…” At one stage she said “Just stop the car, I’ll walk home” I was a little tempted if I’m honest just to get her out of my life, because what respect I had for her was depleting… rapidly, although I thought “well, she’s obviously upset, and people say things they don’t often mean when they’re upset, so I’ll just take it on the chin and won’t bite” I thought that was the best policy to go for, we did talk, and I explained that I felt things were moving way to fast, and that our constant arguing about tedious little things was not the signs of a healthy relationship, especially this early into it, I also thought it was better off breaking it up now rather than later for the tot’s sake also, to avoid her getting attached and having someone else leave from her life, I didn’t think it was fair at all to put the tot through that. She (the ex) then used the tot as a means of making me feel guilty by saying “What about the tot don’t you even care about her?” to which I explained my reasons above about breaking it off now. Anyway, this abuse continued, until finally we got back to her house.
Upon leaving, I felt a overwhealming sense of relief, I think it was my body telling me I had done the right thing, not just for myself, but for her too. Anyway, I obviously removed things off Facebook, because as we all know by now:
So hence forth it is placed upon Facebook,
and the lords of Facebook did say;
“It is official now it is placed upon thy pages”
So it be said, and so it be done.
I didn’t contact her at all as I didn’t want to make matters worse, and if she was to contact me, then she’d do it in her own time. Inevitably it came, *ping* a message other facebook basically saying “Good luck with your doctor’s appointment” I didn’t know if it was a spiteful comment or thoughtful, so I simply replied “Thank you, hope you have fun going bowling” I then got another reply saying “Actually that was yesterday and I didn’t go.” Which I took as a snooty remark, so just left it at that. A week later, I receive another *ping* facebook message, this time stating that “I really miss you…” etc etc, to which I reply as nicely as I could “I’m sorry you feel that way, I miss having a laugh with you too, but I can’t see any future, because you really hurt my feelings with the things you said, and I don’t think I can forgive you for that” To which a couple days later I receive another hatefilled message off the lovely facebook. I won’t go into the details, but it’s along the same sort of lines as the car journey conversation.
By this stage, I had enough, I won’t stand by and be abused like this, so I replied along the lines of “I appreciate your comments, and I’ll take them onboard, I do how ever believe that you need to grow the fuck up. Seriously, I thought you were at least a bit mature, you’re acting like a spoilt child what you want is what you get or you throw your toys out the pram. I have tired being nice as I can be, but it’s obviously not working, so with that, I wish you the best of luck with your nursing training (yeah, she wants to be a nurse too!) because you’ll need it, as you’ll be put in situations far worse than this, and you won’t always get your own way. You need to grow up, not just for your sake, but for those around you also. Best of luck with life, I’d appreciate it if you never contact me again. It was good whilst it lasted, but true colours have been shown, goodbye.”
Following that message, I hadn’t received any further messages, which I was very thankful for, then last night, I get another, this time from her “sister” although I suspect it’s from her just using her sister’s account. Once again filled with more hate, I didn’t bother responding, I’m beyond that. A simple Block and Report to the powers that be… the powers of facebook.
So, a warning to you all, meeting people over the internet is cool, and I’d do it again, but watch out, because there are fucking psychopaths out there too. I hope this has been an insight for you, and please feel free to comment, or tweet me @antsrants with your views of the situation, was I right or wrong etc, it’s all a learning process.
Thanks for reading.
Note: Tot is used in-place of the child’s name, She, it and her are used in place of the ex’s name.
